An ugly, sad little man
by Ilse17
Summary: Shortly after Jane's return, Lisbon finds her first opportunity to question him about Red John. Then, various circumstances bring some missing pieces of the puzzle.
1. An ugly, sad little man

**An ugly, sad little man**

It's my first fan fiction. Until now, I used to prefer reading than writing. I've discovered only recently how many amazing Mentalist fan fictions have been posted on that site. Complex, exciting and moving stories I'd never been able to imagine myself. I've just written this after musing to the many questions still unsolved after 6 X 8, and about Red John's unexpected identity. Please forgive me my errors, I did my best but english is not my mother tongue.

Set after 6 x 10

Since he had come back in her life, they'd had not the opportunity to discuss Red John's death.

He had never said anything about it in his letters, and she didn't know whether she should raise the issue or not, especially as she was not very comfortable with it.

Two years ago, when she had heard Abbot explain that Mc Alistair had been found dead, and how he had died, she had immediately realised that the sheriff had to be Red John, and that Jane was his murderer. And she had felt a mix of relief- Jane was safe and he had fulfilled his revenge- and of deep uneasiness, trying to avoid the mental image of her friend strangling the man to death. Of course, she didn't condemn him. She didn't have a husband, nor any child, but what would she have done if Red John had killed Annabeth… or Jane himself ? Yet she was still a cop, and she would have prefered that he had shot Mc Alister in self-defense.

She didn't dare to ask him anything about that terrible moment, but she was worried. Had that violent act been a traumatic experience, or did he only feel relief at the memory of it ? Or did he manage not to think about it at all ?

That night was her first opportunity to have some privacy. They were alone on the balcony of her hotel room in New York. They had just solved the Schneiderman case and he had come for a last drink. Next day they would go back to Austin.

He was lingering, as if he didn't know how to say good night, or as if he had something to tell her. As an awkward silence had at last fallen between them, she felt suddenly the urge to ask him about that fateful day. She didn't dare to start with a personal question. But after all, there were so many others she had asked herself again and again during these two years.

Taking a deep breath she began : "I was very surprised when I realised that Mc Alister was Red John after all. Not only because I thought he was dead, but also because I've never really thought he had the abilities that seemed needed for it."

Jane smiled slighlty, as if aknowledging the real reason why she asked the question now – which made her blush : what did he guess about her motives, whereas herself couldn't –wouldn't- understand them clearly ?- Yet he didn't refuse the discussion.

"Ah, but don't forget that a mundane and even dull appearance is a great asset for an elusive serial killer", he said. "Mc Alister was clever, no doubt. He seems to have lacked the charisma that was needed to elicit the devotion Rebecca or Dumar had for him, that's true. But in fact, all he needed with these two was a sharp perceptiveness to feel the darkness inside them and their potential as killers. And he certainly learnt a trick or two at Vizualise on the matter of brainwashing….

"What about Lorelei ?", Lisbon asked on an impulse.

He had a rueful smile. "Yeah, difficult to imagine Lorelei with Mc Alister, isn't it ? I sometimes wondered if the man she knew as Red John was really him. After all, once he had one of his minions impersonating him for my benefit. Why not for Lorelei ? Remember what he did with the twins, Emma and Maya. He shared them with Dumar. Maybe he killed Lorelei's sister and then let one of his accomplices approach her and seduce her. If so, maybe she found out the truth in the end… We'll never know."

"He sure was a master of manipulation, but he was not the omniscient mastermind we had fantasized", replied Lisbon. "We didn't realized it for a long time, but it was not a single man we were fighting, it was a huge network of dirty cops."

He sighed deeply. "That's true. Maybe we should have guessed it sooner. But I was so obsessed by Red John that for a long time I thought that it was all about him. And I made all of you share my point of view. In fact, some of the times we thought we were fighting Red John, we were in fact confronted to some other part of the Blake association. We have no proof that Todd Johnson 's death, for example, had anything to do with Mc Alister. Todd said 'Tyger Tyger' when he was about to die, but it only means that he knew about the Blake association. He probably worked for it. We'll never know for sure what it was he thought we had in common, and why he wanted to talk to me. Maybe it was not about Red John. Maybe it was only about a thirst for revenge… As for Madeleine, the Blacke Association framed her because she was connected to one of Todd's victim, but probably also because she unconsciously knew something that could lead her to discover the network. She might have unwillingly caught Bertram, for example, saying or doing something he saw as potentialy incriminatory. O'Laughlin worked for the association, but we don't know if he even knew that Red John was part of it."

"There are also some deeds we supposed to have been commited by Red John that were in fact Kirkland's doing", added Lisbon.

"Yes. Or course, Mc Alister had kept an eye on Dumar's father, and then on Jared, who had shared his cell. He wanted to keep an eye on us as well, and he used Rebecca and of course Bertram for that. But he was far from being the omniscient evil genious we thought he was. We can't even be sure that he was the educated man who gave the association its name. He only made full use of it to elude us for years. My guess is that Mc Alister had a strong hold on Bertram, in a way or another, which allowed him to interfere in our investigations any time it was necessary. But no way that a simple sheriff could have ruled that huge network alone. He was not the one and only chief of the association, contrary to what he claimed when he wanted to make me bow in front of his superiority."

Jane made a contemptuous snort." He even tried to pretend that he was a psychic to explain how he had known about the list. Unbelievable. As if the way he had managed that was not perfectly obvious !"

"How so ?", asked Lisbon eagerly. "You always said you had not idea of how he had found out about your list".

Jane looked at her with a familiar expression, the one he used to have when he was slightly embarrassed at having lied or hidden things to her. "Well, I must admit that Lorelei's video was a very unpleasant surprise. But soon enough I realised that as Red John always kept himself informed of our investigations, he knew for the Ellison farm case. And when he learnt that Lorelei had told me I had already met him, he understood that all what I had to do was to cross the list of all the people I had met the last ten years with the list of Vizualise members at the time when the Ellison farm murders had been committed…And actually that's what I did ».

"What ? But I told you that Vizualise refused to show us their archives… Hey, wait a minut… You saw them nonetheless, didn't you ? How ?"

"Well, let's say that I found the good leverage. But as it was illegal , and considering the cult's high connections, I thought that it was better for you not to know. Deniability…"

'How typical', she thought. She was about to make some half-angry remark when he added :

"So you see, having the correct list of name was no big deal for Mc Alister". He frowned in disgust : "Pathetic megalomaniac… In the end, he begged me to spare his life, can you imagine that ?"

Lisbon didn't know if she was suprised or not. Thinking aloud, she said : "So in the end he was just the ugly, sad little man you had said he was in the very beginning."

She regretted immediately her last remark when she saw the shock in his eyes at the recalling of his fateful words. But after a moment of silence, his look lightened and he said : "Yes, in the end, that's all what he was."

"Was it a relief ?" She had found at last the courage to ask, letting him decide if she talked about knowing Red John's pathetic nature, or about having been able to kill him.

"It's a relief…yes. I could never regret what I did, I had to. And yet it's another burden as well, he whispered. "

I was the beginning of an answer to her main question. But he didn't add anything, and she didn't dare to ask for more that night.


	2. You and I are not on the same road

_**Thank you very much to the readers who have wrote nice reviews for my first fic. It encouraged me. So I decided to continue and to make of my previous story the first chapter of a series imagining some answers for the many unsolved questions linked to the Red John case. **_

_**I always wondered why Lorelei had refused in the end to tell anything about Red John to Jane. What if she had wanted to protect him ? That's a possibility, because of her words in 5x16 :**_

**You and I are not on the same road.**

A few days after the end of the Schneiderman case, they were back in Austin. When Jane arrived that morning, he found Lisbon at her desk. But instead of being busy with some paperwork, she was looking at an envelope in her hands, frowning. When she saw him, instead of her usual greeting smile, she beckoned him to approach and handled him the envelope.

"It's for you, from Miranda Martin's foster parents."

"Are you kidding ?" said Jane, stunned.

"No at all". Lisbon wasn't happy. She had hoped that after their discussion a few days before, they could leave the Red John case behind them. What did the Roman wanted ? To thank Jane for having caused Red John's downfall ?

Jane opened the envelope. Inside there was another one, with a note that he unfolded on Lisbon's desk for her to read it as well. The note was from Miranda's parents, explaining that Lorelei had sent them a letter for Jane, asking them to deliver it only when they would learn through the medias that Red John was dead. But when it had happened, they had found themselves unable to trace Jane untill they had learned that he worked now for the FBI. Looking at the second envelope, Lisbon was even less happy. It was as if Lorelei was back from the dead to remind them the worst period of the chase for Red John. What could she have wanted from Patrick ? Would they ever be free from these dark memories ? She looked at him, a bit apprehensive. But even if he was a little pale, he looked perfectly collected when he said : " Let's read it together, OK?"

"Are you sure ?" she asked.

"I'm sure, Lisbon. I've told you this many times. There was nothing between us. We were just a mean for an end to each others. It's true that I ended up feeling concern for her, and guilt after her death. But nothing else. Whatever she had to write to me, you can read it as well. I wonder what it is, as apparently it's not an attempt to have me carrying on her revenge if she was killed."

"I think that for once, I'm the perceptive one. I have a pretty good idea of what she wanted you to know once she was sure of Red John's death", said Lisbon.

They began to read :

Hi, Patrick

If you receive this letter, it'll mean that Red John is dead.

I've just tortured and killed Steve, my lover, the man who had introduced me to Red John. In hope to be spared, the coward confessed everything. He knew about my sister, he helped Red John to have her. In exchange, he learnt from him how to win my trust and my love. They made me believe that in this world there were only preys and predators. Miranda's sadness had made a prey of her. I had to be a predator, to use my anger, that darkness inside of me, as an armor. I had to help Red John to trap you, and in return he would help me to find and kill my sister's murderer. I thought they had saved me from self-destruction. And they were the ones who had destroyed Miranda, and my soul. How could I make them pay enough ?

Before Steve died, I made him tell me Red John's real name. Now I know where to find my sister's killer. If I prevail, this letter will reach you very soon. If not, it will wait untill it's safe for you to receive it, which means maybe never.

Yet, I'd want you to know that I didn't betray your trust to exact my revenge alone. I'd want you to know the real reasons why I didn't tell you what I knew about Red John, and never intended to. I indeed could have used your help to hide from the police, untill I get to him. But I didn't want you to get closer to him. He may have enjoyed competing with you in some mind games, but physically you're not a match for him. Steve always told me that Red John knew every nasty trick of hand to hand fight, and that he was a very good marksman. You on the other hand doesn't know how to defend yourself properly. But don't think that I betrayed your trust because I saw you as a liability. Above all, I want you to be safe. And if I've understood correctly the sicko's game, you are safe, somehow, as long as you don't know how to find him. He doesn't want to break his favorite toy. Not yet. But if you'd know and get to him by yourself (and I kow that you would), you'd be a dead man. I for one has all the needed skills, I have nothing to lose, and I will stop to nothing to kill him.

And here's the other reason why I did't tell you what I knew. When I saw you ready to let me torture Lennon if he didn't tell you what you wanted him to, it frightened me, whereas I thought that nothing could ever frighten me anymore. I knew that I would have to torture and kill some other people before I would be able to get to Red John. I didn't want you to become just like me.

There is something about you, Patrick, that makes one wants to protect you. Your agent Lisbon would understand what I mean.

If Red John's the one who wins, please don't be too resenful when you'll remember me.

I whish I had met you many, many years ago. But as things are what they are, as I said once, I truly hope that you and I are not on the same road, and never will.

Lorelei

Jane folded the letter and put it in his pocket. Then he walked straight to his couch without a world, and sit on it, his eyes close. Lisbon let him a few minutes to collect himself, then came to sit at his side. She didn't dare to look at him, but she chose to begin with a rather harmless remark.

"Even in that letter, she doesn't tell you Mc Alister's name."

"Maybe she didn't trust the Roman not to open it. Lorelei trusted no one", he mumbled, obviously still under shock.

Lisbon took his hand, no matter who could see them. She didn't add that she had suspected a long time ago Lorelei's motives, as only a woman in love with the same man could have guessed.


	3. Sibling jealousy

**I began to write this after having read the first chapters of Hayseed Socrates' excellent last fic "The Shadow of Your Smile", with Michael Kirkland kidnapping Jane in revenge.**

**Michael is definitively a possibility for solving what is, maybe, the major inconsistency in the series : why did Bob Kirkland kill Lennon without asking him before where he could find Red John ?**

**What if the man who killed Lennon was not Bob, but Michael, taking advantage of their perfect likeness ? I imagine also that Michael Kirkland could have felt jealousy, as it's quite obvious that Red John' fascination for Jane was in the end the reason of his downfall.**

**Please tell me what you think.**

Michael Kirkland smiled. It will be a piece of cake. By removing his Airstream from the FBI parking lot, Red John's killer had made himself a perfect target. Very soon, he will pay for all what he had done. For having killed his master, the one who had given meaning to his life, and for having been responsible for his brother's arrest.

His brother. Only Jane's death would appease Michael's guilt about him. Of course, for years, he had been the one with reasons to be resentful. Bob had abandoned him, had fled from their hellish existence with their father, leaving him behind. Bob had come back to him later, as if all what Mike had to do was to wait for his twin to pay attention to him again. But Mike didn't need Bob anymore. Someone else had helped him when his brother had let him down. Red John had made him proud of himself, had given a purpose to his life, had freed him from his addiction to alcohol.

That's why he had avoided any contact with Bob, changed his name, changed his appearance by growing a beard and dying his hair, and moved from town to town. In the last years, as Bob had such a successful carrier, Michael had very seldom left his hiding place. He was proud to be one of Red John's main assets, the man who looked perfectly alike one of the agents of Homeland security.

For his master, he had even betrayed Bob's trust. One day, following Red John's orders, he had come to see his twin. He had let Bob hug him, full of joy and relief, only to drug his drink, lock him in his own closet and take his identity in order to have access to Lennon and kill him. Then he had come back at Bob's home to free him, still unconscious. He knew that Bob would understand that he was the one who had killed Lennon, but that for his sake, he would never reveal it to anyone.

He had taken his brother's appearance so well -same haircut, same suit- that he had completely dumbfounded Lennon. The man had met Michael before, though. But he hadn't recognized him. Even in Lennon's drugged state, it was a good sign, Red John had said. It meant that Michael could take Bob's identity any time it would be necessary. Michael had to go back in his hiding place, and wait for another mission.

Only the other mission never came. First, Jane had been responsible for Bob's arrest, and his twin had been shot while trying to escape. Then, something unbelievable had happened. The little bastard, without any kind of weapon skills, without anyone's help, or so it seemed, had managed to kill Red John himself. The man who had given a meaning to Michael's life for years was gone. Michael had thought he would become insane with hurt and betrayal. Red john was not the almighty, omniscient being Michael had thought he was. He'd had a weakness, a big one, and that weakness had been called Patrick Jane. Red John had let the bastard come too close, had let him live for too long. When Jane had caught Lennon, Michael had warned his master that the man was too dangerous, had begged to be allowed to kill him as well. But Red John had refused. Jane was his, his master had said. One day, Jane himself would understand this too. And the way he had said that, Michael had felt that this Jane character was much more important to Red John than he himself would ever be. It had been the last time Michael had ever seen his beloved master. He had learnt his death on TV.

In Michael's heart, now, was also a bitter jealousy. What had this man that Michael had not ? Why had Red John wanted him ? Why had Red John been fascinated by him to the point he had forgotten any kind of caution ? Jane would have to pay for all the frustration, all the resentment Michael felt for the many betrayals he had suffered in his life, from his own abusive father, from his too successful twin and in the end from his beloved mentor who had left him alone.

Yes, Jane would pay dearly.


End file.
